Letter from the Sanctuary
March 2024 Edition
Equinox Blessings and a Vulnerable Share…
As we emerge from our winter slumber awakened by the robin’s birdsong and the return of the red winged blackbird, we continue on the wheel of the year, stepping through the threshold to Spring here in the Northern Hemisphere. This time may feel like a welcome change for some or more sluggish for others. In an effort to continue to become more conscious of and embody the light of our true essence, this is a beautiful time to reflect on what was recently shed in the darkness of winter. What was granted the sacred act of dying, so that you can walk forward feeling a re-birth, claiming more authentic pieces of yourself?
This winter plunged me into the depths of birth, death and grief like I have never experienced before. My partner, Dan, and I experienced the stillbirth of our first child, our daughter Stella Grace. She was born, and died, on November 23rd, Thanksgiving Day, 2023. We were blessed to have navigated these portals released from daily responsibilities which allowed us to just BE. The shock plummeted us into other worlds and has been an extremely disorienting and lonely process. So many of you have reached out and offered support and care through meals, flowers and your words, and I want to say how INCREDIBLY grateful we are to feel the love of our community. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
As I continue to paddle down the non-linear river of grief, I continue to find it SO fascinating the way our bodies respond to our emotions. It has become one of my biggest curiosities, seeing over and over the ways our bodies communicate with us through pain, discomfort, illness and dis-ease. A few days after the loss of our daughter, Dan experienced a rib that came out of place directly over his heart. It was excruciatingly painful and made waking life and sleep very difficult. I continue to learn that the body communicates in metaphors. A rib “out” is like a blow. The ribcage protects so much internally including the heart and the lungs, organs that we know are very affected by grief. To connect the metaphor from the physical to the emotional, we then looked at where in his life he actually experienced a blow? It was no surprise that the shock of receiving the news that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and the literal heartbreak that he experienced, caused the rib to come “out”.
My body continues to communicate through my neck. I continue to have pain in my neck which has resulted so far in 5 vertebrae that have come out at various times. The neck is the bridge between the head and the heart. If I look into this deeper, there is a lot here. Tracey Stevens shares, “Neck issues stem from a feeling of being out of control and the desire to overcome that feeling by taking control of as much as possible”. For me, I felt very much in control during my entire pregnancy and was intentionally making an effort of doing all of the “right” things. The night we received the news that I was to give birth to our baby who was no longer alive, the first thought that came out of my mouth was that we are really not in control at all! This has been the theme that I continue to work with - to unravel my beliefs about self-worth and productivity as a way I perceive to control the happenings in my life, and instead begin to attune to the natural rhythm of my being, aligning my head with my heart.
Within all of this realignment to my own rhythm, I have been able to see how I have taken on the rhythms of my mother and her “routines”, as opposed to what feels good and true for me on a day-to-day basis. We are two completely different people! And yes, while I LOVE walking in my neighborhood early in the morning, like my mother does, I’ve also learned that I love taking walks at all times of the day! Who knew! I no longer have to wake myself up at 5am to get my meditation in and then an hour walk, and then make breakfast all before showering and then rushing to get to work like I have done every day for the past however many years, in order to feel like a worthy human. What a relief ~ my body thanks me~.
To begin to understand what I refer to as, the language of the body, is to become empowered in our health and well-being at the deepest level. From the time we are born, we begin to respond to the energy of our parents and our environment and we adapt to that energy and environment as a means to survive. However, these early adaptations move us away from our authenticity from such an early age, then become second nature and often unconscious in our adult years. Depending how far out of alignment with our true self we’ve deviated, our bodies may start communicating with us through pain, illness or dis-ease to get our attention. Experience has shown me it is not only possible to heal from states of imbalance such as auto-immune conditions, even cancer, and that the body is entirely capable and is constantly working in our favor to come back into balance. It’s up to us to provide the environment and tools for it to even have a chance. My walking example may be perceived as insignificant, but add together all these small adaptations and you are no longer living your own life. And the miraculous part is that once the body feels you have received its message, people tend to heal completely.
Now you may be wondering, “did she utilize the support of the Harmonic Egg?”, well, of course! Somewhat hesitantly at first, I admit. I honestly wasn’t sure how the Egg could meet the depths of the pain I felt inside. However, after two sessions, I began to notice that parts of myself seemed to be returning back to me. The shock I’d experienced had felt like I fragmented into a million pieces and after I began the Egg sessions, little by little, I began to feel more present in my awareness. When I am receiving the vibrations and frequencies into my body, suddenly all of the noise in my busy mind goes away and I am able to connect to my heart and my truth (which is in turn supporting my neck issues). Dan and I continue to make it our weekly ritual and the Egg has become a place where we can feel the music penetrate so deeply and let the tears flow in our own little sacred space.
I am now back to work, and hope to see many of you soon when you come in for your Harmonic Egg sessions! My Mother, Mona, and I, are continuing to expand our studies of the language of the body, spread the message of the Harmonic Egg here in Durango and create meaningful connections and support within our community. May we all remember that each one of us has very unique gifts to offer this world and may we reconnect to those gifts and live the lives we came here to live.
Beauty and Blessings,
Calley